Rejected Examiner Headlines (2010 Giants World Series Edition) Tickle Texas! Touch Texas (inappropriately)! Touché, Texas! Taser Texas! Tapeworm Texas! It was a nice run, Examiner.  But in all seriousness, they have to do it.  My hockey-fan gamewatching partner says it’s a matter of politics: if Texas wins, they’ll claim it’s for god and country, America fuck yeah.  Texas et al. wants to think that if San Francisco wins, it’s a triumph of pot smokers and fornicators.  The way we see it, it’s but a long-overdue win for a good team that pulled it together—which is plenty American for anyone who grew up over-watching baseball movies.  The real America is the dizzy spectrum of the Giants: talented rookies, powerful Colombians and Dominicans, Christian punks, savants.  Buster Posey’s full name is Gerald “Buster” Dempsey Posey III and it would seem that he has been playing baseball since exiting the womb.  Ross wanted to be a rodeo clown, Bumgarner’s into roping, and Wilson loves the UFC: what’s more American than that?  Texas, San Francisco is America, too. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some tofu pups that need to be swaddled in a tube of biscuit dough.
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Rejected Examiner Headlines (2010 Giants World Series Edition)

Tickle Texas!

Touch Texas (inappropriately)!

Touché, Texas!

Taser Texas!

Tapeworm Texas!

It was a nice run, Examiner. 

But in all seriousness, they have to do it.  My hockey-fan gamewatching partner says it’s a matter of politics: if Texas wins, they’ll claim it’s for god and country, America fuck yeah.  Texas et al. wants to think that if San Francisco wins, it’s a triumph of pot smokers and fornicators. 
The way we see it, it’s but a long-overdue win for a good team that pulled it together—which is plenty American for anyone who grew up over-watching baseball movies. 

The real America is the dizzy spectrum of the Giants: talented rookies, powerful Colombians and Dominicans, Christian punks, savants.  Buster Posey’s full name is Gerald “Buster” Dempsey Posey III and it would seem that he has been playing baseball since exiting the womb.  Ross wanted to be a rodeo clown, Bumgarner’s into roping, and Wilson loves the UFC: what’s more American than that? 
Texas, San Francisco is America, too.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some tofu pups that need to be swaddled in a tube of biscuit dough.